HELP GUIDE: SELF ESTEEM

Self-Esteem

Esteem means respect and admiration. Self-esteem is your overall sense of self-worth and personal value. It reflects how much you like, respect, and appreciate yourself. Self-esteem can range from high to low, or sit somewhere in between. It’s shaped by the way you talk to yourself, the value you place on your own needs, and the level of self-love and self-respect you carry. In short, self-esteem is your inner attitude towards you.

What is low Self-Esteem?

Low self-esteem occurs when a person believes they have little value to offer others or society. It involves negative beliefs and thoughts about oneself, often rooted in a deep sense of “I’m not good enough.” People with low self-esteem may feel that no matter how hard they try, they can never get ahead, or that they are unworthy of love and respect.

Low self-esteem is often subconscious, shaped by core beliefs formed through life experiences. Those with low self-esteem tend to overlook their strengths, focusing instead on perceived weaknesses, past mistakes, or failures.

This mindset can make it difficult to set boundaries, pursue goals, or maintain healthy relationships. It may lead to problematic or destructive relationships, poor decision-making, and a sense of not living up to one’s full potential.

Is It a Mental Disorder?

No and it can usually be self-recognised. It is common for people with low self-esteem to also experience mental health challenges such as anxiety or depression. Over time, persistent low self-worth and negative self-beliefs can contribute to low mood and increase the risk of developing depression.

What about Self Confidence?

Self-confidence is different from self-esteem. While self-esteem is your overall sense of self-worth, self-confidence is a feeling of trust in your abilities and skills. It reflects how capable you feel in a particular situation and can vary depending on the context. To be self-confident means to have belief in yourself and what you can do.

Example: You may have healthy self-esteem and feel confident dancing in public, yet feel low confidence when lifting heavy weights at the gym. In the gym, you might doubt your abilities and feel unsure of yourself. The good news is that confidence can grow with practice and experience.

What can cause low Self-Esteem?

Low self-esteem can develop from one or a combination of life experiences, such as:

Comparing Yourself to Others. Constantly measuring yourself against others, including people on social media.
Abuse – Experiencing mental, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.
Unstable Upbringing - Growing up without feeling safe, protected, or loved.
Demanding Environments – Being in settings with excessive pressure, whether from parents, school, or work.
Unhealthy Relationships – Experiencing control, manipulation, belittling, or dishonesty in friendships or romantic relationships.
Lack of Social Support – Feeling isolated or lonely, which can negatively impact self-worth.

Why does Self-Esteem matter?

Self-esteem shapes how you feel about yourself, how you make decisions, and how you interact with the world. Healthy self-esteem allows you to:

Set boundaries and protect your well-being
Pursue goals with confidence and resilience
Build healthy relationships based on respect rather than fear or neediness
Cope with challenges and recover from setbacks more effectively
Recognize your strengths and celebrate achievements
Maintain mental and emotional health, reducing the risk of anxiety, depression, and self-doubt

Boost your Self-Esteem

Focus on Yourself – Prioritize your own growth, needs, and well-being.
Daily Positive Affirmations – Reinforce your worth with encouraging self-talk.
Practice Mindfulness – Stay present and aware, rather than dwelling on past mistakes or future worries.
Talk Therapy – Seek professional guidance to process thoughts and feelings.
Set and Achieve Goals – Identify realistic goals and celebrate small wins.
Do More of What You’re Good At – Strengthen confidence by engaging in your strengths.
Identify Your Values – Write them down and align your actions with them.
Do What You Enjoy – Prioritize activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Have Open Conversations – Engage in honest, supportive discussions with trusted people.
Build a Support Squad – Surround yourself with friends and allies who uplift you.
Learn to Accept Compliments – Receive recognition with gratitude instead of deflection.
Focus on What You Can Change – Let go of things outside your control.
Let Go of Negative People – Distance yourself from those who undermine your confidence.
Take Pride in Your Appearance – Looking after yourself can boost how you feel.
Reframe Mistakes as Lessons – See setbacks as opportunities for growth.
Take Action – Stop overthinking and start making progress.
Avoid Worst-Case Scenarios – Replace catastrophic thinking with realistic perspectives.
Talk to Yourself Kindly – Treat yourself with the same care and respect you’d show a close friend.

Power in positivity

Repeat positive statements to yourself every day. Over time, your mind begins to believe them. The way you speak to yourself holds incredible power, nurturing your inner dialogue with positivity can transform your mindset.

“When you start seeing your worth, you will find it harder to be around people who don’t.”

Social Media impacts

Scrolling through social media, it’s easy to compare yourself to fit bodies, perfect holidays, flawless makeup, big weddings, luxury homes, and picture-perfect families. But here’s the reality: people share their highlights, not their struggles. Just as they don’t know your journey, you don’t know theirs. Stop comparing & focus on your own path and progress.

What to do for treatment

One of the most effective ways to boost self-esteem is to book a session with a qualified therapist. Counselling and psychotherapy can help you uncover the core beliefs you hold about yourself, understand where they came from, and develop strategies to strengthen your self-worth.

Talk therapy, CBT, and mindfulness are all highly effective in improving self-esteem. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is especially recommended because it focuses on how your thoughts influence your actions and decisions, offering practical tools to manage negative self-talk and build confidence.