Should we BREAK UP?

Falling in love is one of life’s most incredible experiences. However, love can be fleeting—it can come and go, just like people. Because of this, love shouldn’t define you, become your identity, or be the sole purpose of your life.

Giving general advice on relationships is difficult as relationships are contextual. Any relationship can be improved within reason and desire by both parties but also some times people just aren't right for us no matter how bad you may want them to be. Let's talk about that.

Lukewarm mode 

If you’re keeping someone in a relationship even though you know they’re not the one you truly want, you're caught in a state of indecision. You're partly into it, but not fully. If they're there to provide comfort, stroke your ego, or because you haven't met anyone else, it’s a selfish move and ultimately counterproductive.

Avoid dating the same person repeatedly (more than 3-4 times) without any genuine interest or intent.

If you feel indifferent about their presence and can take them or leave them, don't hold onto them. Set them free. Toxic Dynamics

If you’re constantly fighting, hurting each other with hurtful words, using personal attacks, or trying to control one another, it may be time to acknowledge that you’re not compatible.

A relationship won’t thrive if you feel the need to constantly stalk their social media, check their phone, or search for flaws and hidden behaviors. If you look hard enough, you'll always find something to get upset about (even a simple like!). But the real question is—why are you looking in the first place?

Never compromise your self-respect or theirs. Both of you deserve to be treated with dignity and kindness.

If you consistently bring out the worst in each other, it’s a clear sign—it's time to let go.

KNOW YOUR LIMITS  What are your personal boundaries? Think about it and figure out what your honest boundaries are.  What is a deal breaker after 1 week, 4 years or 20 years with your man. 

Lots of girls say I will not tolerate cheating. Then when a man cheats the woman finds a way to reason with his action. For example some say "it was only one time" and the woman doesn't leave. So, it is not a real boundary. That's cool, its your life, but you must understand where you draw the line, honestly, for your sake.  

If you’re unclear about your boundaries, you won’t be able to uphold them, either for yourself or others.

If your partner consistently pushes or disregards your boundaries, it shows a lack of respect. In that case, it’s time to walk away.

Will He Change?

This is different from "Can he change?" Anyone has the ability to change their behavior if they choose to, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Changing habits is challenging and requires a lot of effort, which is why professionals like therapists are trained to guide people through the process. Substance abusers (addicts) are often used as examples of how anyone can change, but only when they’re truly ready.

But the real question is: Will he change? That’s entirely up to him.

Think about it—could you change something as simple as never wearing your hair in a ponytail again? In theory, sure, but the amount of effort and adjustments you'd need to make to ensure it never happens again is significant. You wouldn’t tie it up at the gym, in the shower, or at night. It would require constant thought, and you'd need to stop doing it without thinking. That’s the level of focus and commitment change requires.

Real change takes focus, willpower, hard work, and a genuine desire to evolve.

So, communicate clearly with your partner about what bothers you and give him the opportunity to decide if he’s willing to change. Allow time for him to take action. If, after a reasonable period, nothing has changed or he’s unwilling to change, then take him at his word—he likely won’t.

Accept your partner for who they are today, not who you hope they’ll be tomorrow.

The ick

You can’t force someone to love you, nor can you force yourself to love someone. Love is a natural emotional response that develops between two people, and sexual chemistry is no different.

While this can vary depending on context, generally speaking, if the idea of them touching you or being intimate with them repulses you, or you have no desire to engage sexually with them, then something is fundamentally off.

Sex is a vital component that separates romantic relationships from friendships.

If you find that you never want to be intimate with them—ever—it may be time to consider ending the relationship.

Values

This is a critical point. You can’t change someone’s core values.

Values represent what is truly important to a person—what they appreciate in life and in others. They encompass aspects like religion, family, money, career, lifestyle, ideologies, the decision to have children, and where and how you live your life.

Take, for example, the Australian TV show A Farmer Wants a Wife, where a city girl is often paired with a rural farmer. The city girl might enjoy after-work drinks with colleagues, live in an apartment, walk to grab coffee, and values social interaction, family, and an active lifestyle. On the other hand, the farmer thrives in solitude, living miles away from town, embracing quiet, rural life, and values family, peace, and tranquility.

While they might connect on some values and compromise on others, viewers often question why they were matched in the first place, because their fundamental values differ too much.

It's important to understand that preferences, like whether you enjoy sushi or reality TV, are not values—they’re just differences. Preferences are inevitable and can often be navigated in relationships. However, if your core values are not aligned, it will create persistent issues.

When values don’t align, the relationship can still work, but it will require significant sacrifices and compromises from both parties.

LOVE

But you love him, right? Here’s the truth—love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship for a lifetime.

Ask yourself:

• If you’re not happy with him now, what makes you think things will improve later?

• Are you genuinely excited to see him?

• If a dog bit you once, would you keep trying to pet it?

• Are you both trying to convince each other to stay?

• Are you sacrificing who you truly are?

• Am I fooling myself thinking this can work?

• Is he sacrificing his true self?

• Is he feeling the same way I do?

We’ve all heard the cliché, "You have to love yourself before you can love others."

What this really means is you need to understand your values, boundaries, desires, and personality—and accept them as part of who you are. Once you know and love yourself, you’ll be able to understand what you need in a partner, how you deserve to be loved, and where you can improve.

Remember, you’re always half of the relationship. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t light up your soul and make your heart melt.

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Love is love, this article may use female/male pronouns however the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities.

#breakup #relationshipadvice #love #healthylove